You see right through me...

Secret sin is not something that we easily, or openly, confess. It’s roots are deep, hidden, and oftentimes seem to be dragging us under as if we are drowning.

Of course when we hear the term “secret sin” our minds race towards those big ticket items that are absolutely unforgiveable in the Church: lust, pornography, adultery and every other form of sexual sin.

We don’t tend to list gossip, the true cancer of the Church, nor do we add the need, and quite possibly addiction, to drama in our lives. How we make wilful bad decisions just to drum up that chaos and fill our lives with that lovely fix of attention, even if it has horrendous results.

In 2007, on the tail end of some of the really horrendous fights of my former substance abuse, I find myself praying the “refiners prayer”.

“God, I know that there’s still nasty, dark things in me that do not please you. Continue to refine my heart and burn away the impurities.”

All of a sudden terror seized my heart and I began to write the verses of this song.

“You see right through me, down to the core of who I am and it terrifies me”.

What an understatement right?

Before the Lord, everything that I think I have hidden is laid bare. Yes, I can show up to Church on Sunday with a bright big smile on my face and proclaim “all is well with Jeremy Neely!” while the cancerous sin eating at my soul has me fighting for life.

In 2018, I was blessed to be introduced to singer\songwriter, Loulita Gill. Our families became fast friends. A few months into our friendship I hear the Lord tell me, “give Loulita the song”.

With much fear and reluctance I finally did give Loulita the song. She claims that she was in no hurry to jump on the song but the Holy Spirit came over her in such a way that she had seemingly no choice but to work on it immediately.

The next day I received a message with the lyrics to the Chorus (the chorus that had eluded me for over 10 years!) and a worktape recording of the song.

When I heard the song I began yelling for my wife, Kaci, to come hear it! This was it, Loulita had captured the spirit of the song after 11 years!

“I want to hide, I’m desperate to run but Your love arrests me and I am Overcome”.

Yes, my transparency in the face of the Lord Almighty might terrify me but His love, oh His amazing love, arrests me and all those fears and I’m overcome by it.

Jeremy Neely

Singer/Songwriter & Musician